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Why “The Waiter Rule” is the Ultimate Personality Test

“It is the way one treats his inferiors more than the way he treats his equals which reveals one’s real character.” -Charles Bayard Mitchell

Colleen Murphy
4 min readJul 11, 2021
Photo by Lefteris kallergis on Unsplash

There are quite a few CEO’s who have admitted to using business meals to perform a very particular test. And it is one you might not see coming.

Have you ever been out to dinner with someone who was incredibly rude to the wait staff? It is an awkward and uncomfortable situation.

As it turns out, many people watch for this egregious social offense to evaluate your character.

As well they should.

“It’s hard to get a dozen CEOs to agree about anything, but all interviewed agree with “The Waiter Rule”. They acknowledge that CEOs live in a Lake Wobegon world where every dinner or lunch partner is above average in their deference. How others treat the CEO says nothing, they say.

But how others treat the waiter is like a magical window into the soul.” -Del Jones, USA Today

What is “The Waiter Rule”?

Bill Swanson wrote a book many years ago called the Swanson’s Unwritten Rules of Management. It is cited as the first appearance of “The Waiter Rule”. It goes as follows…

“A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, or to others, is not a nice person.” -Bill Swanson, Former CEO Raytheon

Agreed.

People who are rude to those who are currently serving in subordinate roles are taking advantage of a situation. The relationship dynamic of a diner and a waiter is perfect to evaluate character. You have someone essentially working for you who you will likely never see again. There are no stakes for you to be nice, patient or understanding. You don’t need to be. If you are nice anyway, it speaks to the quality of your…

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Colleen Murphy
Colleen Murphy

Written by Colleen Murphy

Writing about the beautiful journey of life and love. We are all figuring this out together

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