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The Single Biggest Predictor of Divorce
One of the most common relationship behaviors is the most destructive.
Contempt. We have all experienced what it feels like to be disrespected. Looked down upon. Made to feel less than for simply being yourself.
What does contempt feel like? It is being dismissed as unimportant. It is the abrupt end to a conversation. What you are saying isn’t as valuable as what they want to say. There is no give and take. You feel laughed at, demeaned and demoralized. Your dreams are scoffed at, your ideas unwelcome. Contempt is an attempt to gain the upper hand, a grab for a position of superiority by dismissing you.
It’s ugly. And mean. And it will kill any relationship.
Dr. John Gottman, relationship author and martial researcher has written many books including Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. Gottman coined the relationship term “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” to describe the four communication styles the most likely predict relationship failure. They are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling.
Since the 1970’s, Dr. Gottman has conducted a longitudinal study that can predict with 93% accuracy if a marriage will survive by simply observing how the couple interacts during a normal disagreement.
