The Honeymoon Phase Will Ruin Your Relationship

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

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Photo by Adam Kontor on Unsplash

Stage 1: Instant Chemistry

What it looks like

There is some magic formula we will never understand that causes one person to be attracted to another. You are nervous, awkward…does he like me or not? It is a bumbling first date as you try to get to know one another and look for signs. But like magnets, some indescribable force is drawing you closer together.

When it goes wrong

When you are dating, you have to give it a chance. If you find yourself going on a lot of first dates, you may be judging too quickly. Remember, beginnings are awkward. You have to give people a chance to move through those uncomfortable first moments so you can truly get a sense of who they are and if you match.

Stage 2: The Honeymoon

What it looks like

It is pure bliss. You are deeply attracted. When they enter the room you can feel your body light up. Your brain is flooded with the chemicals norepinephrine and dopamine and that feel so good. And that’s why it is so dangerous.

When it goes wrong

When you try to stay together anyway, something strange happens. There is a pattern that forms that keeps you in a toxic dance. You fall into the pattern of fighting and making up. The more passionate the fight, the better the feeling when you come back together. So you are in a rhythm of breaking apart and coming together. And for that moment, you get a little rush of those chemicals back. Just enough to make it seem like you are in love.

Stage 3: The Questioning Phase

What it looks like

When you have been seeing someone for a while, you come to that moment. It is a simple question: is this the one?

When it goes wrong

He says he never wants children and you always dreamed of being a mom. Dealbreaker. He loves heavy metal and you love slow jazz. You can probably work that one out. But it is best to be honest and let the chips fall where they may. The last thing you want is to spend your life trying to convince someone to agree with you, about anything. Just let it go and move forward. You need to be on the same page about the big things.

Stage 4: Partnership

What it looks like

You talk for hours, spend days togther and it never gets old. You see who this person really is, and you allow yourself to be seen. Silly, goofy moments are normal. You laugh. You flirt. It is so much fun.

When it goes wrong

The laughter simply isn’t there. The connection feels one-sided. You try but it feels like pushing a boulder uphill. Every rung of the ladder is difficult to climb. Moving in together feels like you are dragging them along.

Never love anybody that treats you like you’re ordinary.

~ Oscar Wilde

Writing about the beautiful journey of life and love. We are all figuring this out together

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