The 5 Questions That Predict Your Relationship is Over
The most important conversation right now is the one you have with yourself.
Trusting yourself means living out what you already know to be true.
Overcomplicating is something I am very good at. I can rationalize with the best of them. But at the end of the day I know I am a seeker of truth. I don’t ever want to be scared to look away.
Relationships are one of the hardest places to experience clarity. It is nearly impossible to have a clear perspective when you are inside one. So often, it is after we get out that we see how unhappy we were.
Choosing to open your eyes, to see clearly and to make decisions based in truth is a journey most simply do not undertake. The blinders go on and they don’t come off. Ever.
The funny thing about living with blinders on is that they slip every so often. The truth seeps in. Even if you have only seen a fleeting glimpse of the truth, you recognize it. The truth feels different than the lies we tell ourselves.
If you are ready, read on. The questions are simple. You will feel your answers before you can even say them. What you do next is your choice.
Am I being myself?
It’s the moment you go to open your mouth and you hesitate. Do I really want to share this? Will they support me when I share my new idea or my dream? You don’t know how to act or who to be in the relationship because only one thing is for sure. Being yourself is not appreciated.
So you act like what you think they want.
By editing your behavior to keep the peace, you lose all sense of yourself. And that is where relationships begin to damage our lives. Push down who you truly are and see what happens. You will lash out. You will feel like a victim. Alone in the world. Misunderstood.
The harm in a bad relationship is not just that it breaks our heart when it doesn’t work out. No, the damage is far worse. It takes our self-esteem with it. Those years spent trying to be what someone else wants from us rob us of our passions, our dreams.
And in the end, you feel more alone inside that relationship than you ever have.
Does communication feel easy?
Do you ever find yourself keeping score in your relationship?
I texted and he didn’t even text back.
Look, she is posting on social media but didn’t return my call.
If you spend more time obsessing about how you communicate than actually talking about it, you are in a relationship that is seriously flawed.
Couples in great relationships communicate. It has an easy flow. They don’t hold back. They don’t make each other wonder what is going on. When you communicate at a high level and feel connected as a couple, there is no score keeping.
Does this relationship feel healthy?
When you find yourself obsessively thinking and talking about your relationship, you are not going down a great path. So often, bad relationships take up our time in a way that good ones never do.
You find yourself swinging between obsessively waiting for them to contact you and then ignoring them once they do. You are on the rollercoaster of emotion and you never feel like you stand on solid ground.
Just because something is normal within this particular relationship does not mean it is normal.
It is never normal to feel insecure in your partnership.
Am I excited about this relationship?
Your phone rings and you see their name and you think now what? The kiss of death in a relationship is lack of excitement.
The beauty of a happy, healthy long-term relationship is you genuinely love being together. Not all the time. You have a life and interests and friends and family. But when you come together, you get happy.
The opposite is the feeling of dread when you are faced with even more time together. You are in a dead relationship and you can feel it. You are over the relationship.
Did we ever have anything in common?
Your personal interests seem to have fallen away. It has been ages since you saw any of your friends. Or gone to a concert you wanted to see. Or done anything except things that would make your partner happy.
Unbalanced partnerships simply do not work. Not ever. As you strive to make your partner happy, you push your own needs aside. And that only leads one place.
You end up feeling like the less important half of the equation. Because that is exactly what you are.
If you find yourself answering no to most of the questions above, you already know it’s not working. You can feel it.
So often we overcomplicate decisions. We like to rationalize why we are in the wrong relationship instead of acknowledging where we are and doing something about it. Deciding to move on is the hardest part. Once you start moving, momentum is behind you and you will be able to move forward.
On the other side of a breakup is a whole new life. You will transform when you free yourself from the anchor of a life that is weighing you down. The truth is, you deserve so much more.
It is amazing how your life changes when you embrace the reality that you’re better than the life you’ve settled for.