How to Get to Happily Ever After

The path to lasting love and a true happy ending.

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Photo by Photoholgic on Unsplash

What it Means to Fall in Love

Falling in love is beautiful. It is flowers and butterflies. It is exhilarating, euphoric. We are flooded with every good-feeling chemical our body can conjure to attach us to another human being.

What it Means to Stay in Love

Falling in love has nothing to do with staying in love or building a healthy long-term relationship. Two different experiences. You can fall in love with a load of people who are the polar opposite of who would actually make you happy.

  • You Have a Friendship: You have to love spending time together. Obviously. But even more important, you need to treat each other with respect. That means your love is not the only element of your existence. Just like your friendships you have a life outside of that relationship.
  • You Have Hard Conversations: Couples who feel like they have successful relationships have the hard conversations, with each other and no one else. Complaining about your spouse instead of confronting the problem head on never strengthened a relationship. It undermines the foundation and betrays what should be fundamental, trust in each other.
  • It Takes Two: We get so confused by common relationship advice. We think we need to ‘commit’ and that means making ‘sacrifices’. Yeah, ok. But let’s not get carried away. So many bad relationships continue to exist based on something that looks like compromise but it is more akin to mutually assured destruction. Forced compliance isn’t love.
  • A Feeling of Freedom: You can’t have a life together if you don’t have a life of your own. You need your own friends, your own creative pursuits, your own passions. In providing separateness, we ensure freedom. Restriction is born of fear, insecurity in the relationship. Insecurity in ourselves. No relationship can thrive without the freedom to outgrow its current form.
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Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

What it Means to be Addicted to Love

It’s not a good thing. Feeling the high-drama of relationship ups and downs is a bad sign. As Brené Brown says, don’t work your shit out on other people. If you find yourself on the giving or receiving end of any of these, it might be time to think through your life choices:

  • Committing too quickly or rushing through stages of the relationship
  • Using sex to smooth over relationship fights or problems
  • Justifying the bad behavior of your partner to others
  • Feeling exhausted by consistent low-level problems
  • Changing yourself to accommodate the relationship
  • Losing relationships with friends or family
  • Never feeling you can do enough to make the relationship work

Why The “Why” Matters

The only reason to ever get into a relationship is because you love being with that person. I love you, in itself is not a reason. Love can be good or bad. It can be romantic and healthy or toxic and oppressive.

Writing about the beautiful journey of life and love. We are all figuring this out together

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