Is this a Lock-Down Break-Up?

Are we giving up on our relationships or finally getting real?

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Where We Go Wrong

We become disconnected when there is no reason to connect. You cannot save a doomed relationship on your own. I give a lot of credit to the people who bolted in the first three weeks. Those are the brave souls who said no. The world is a mess, and I don’t know what is going to happen next but life is too short to be locked up in this.

I can’t remember the last time we laughed

Long-term relationships require work and effort. While that is true, that effort shouldn’t feel arduous. It should feel fun. Are you having fun? Being an adult comes with jobs and commitments and decisions. But do you and your partner ever take the time to be silly, to just laugh? For god’s sake, life is supposed to be fun. Remember that.

Life feels lonely, together

The fact is that the more connected our world seems to become, the more lonely we can end of feeling. And when you are in a relationship that has become disconnected, loneliness is exacerbated. You aren’t alone but you feel alone. You feel even more alone when you are lying in bed next to someone while you each scroll your phone, consume yourself with gossip or news, obsess about how everyone else is living a better life than you are.

We fight to win

Every fight ends, it doesn’t resolve. And those issues just linger, year after year. Resentments pile up and the interaction becomes nothing more than a tally of who did what wrong. In love, we don’t just love what is perfect about our partner. We love their imperfections. Apologizing to someone we love, even when we don’t think we did anything wrong is the ultimate strength. I love you and our relationship more than I need to be right.

Everyone has it better than you

When we let our social media feed dictate how we feel about our own lives, we come up short. Look how perfect her husband is… And then we start living our lives to come up with our own posts to bolster the belief that our own relationship is worthy. The second you need to make it seem like you are happy…you aren’t.

We don’t let it breathe

Relationships have a rhythm. Like waves in the ocean, they swell and contract. There are times of deep connected togetherness and there are times of separation where the individual needs to pursue their passions. Every part of that living breathing entity are a part of a healthy relationship. Demanding complete undivided attention from your partner is a sign you are not maintaining your own individuality. And you are choking the life out of your relationship each time you insist on undivided attention.

The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.

-Esther Perel

Writing about the beautiful journey of life and love. We are all figuring this out together

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